An Introduction

Hello and welcome to my blog. Allow me to introduce myself - my name is Alex and I am an actor. Besides being an actor I am also a battle enthusiast. What this means is I have devoted a great deal of my life to studying all kinds of battles and battle tactics. Do not let me confuse you when I say battle - I do not mean boring war shit. War battle tactics and that kind of stuff drive me to drink. I once bought the Braveheart computer game because the screenshots of it made it look like you were a guy on the battlefield and you got to run around chopping people up. That's more like the battle I'm talking about. Instead it was this huge strategic piece of fucking shit where I had to decide how much rations I gave my troops and what they were to be working on and making peace treaties and all the other of the top most awful things people could put in a computer game. I always ended up rushing things just to get to the part where my army battles. And I usually lost. If I could have done something worse to the game other than throw it away, I would have.

There will be none of that shit here. Here I will talk about battles and battle tactics revolving mostly around martial arts. I am sure other things will creep in every now and again, but this will probably be all about the aforementioned subject most of the time. Boring? Fuck no, I'll make it interesting. No doubt I will often be posting interesting things I find on youtube and other video websites. Because nothing says something like a great video of two or more people in battle.

The first subject which I would like to begin with is Bare Knuckle Boxing as seen in the smash hit film "Snatch." Pikey bare knuckle boxing is actually a really huge thing I found out. When I was in Ireland for a short while I went to this great big pikey horse-fair where knackers from all over England and Ireland come to sell their horses and ponies. It's called The Ballinasloe Horse Fair I believe. One of the big things is to find out who the "king" of Ballinasloe is. How this works is somebody at some point will say "I'm the king of Ballinasloe." Eventually, depending on how big that person is or how crazy someone else is, someone else will say "No, I'm the king of Ballinasloe." At this point the two "kings" will go into a field and knock pieces of flesh from off each others faces. Once one of the two have had enough, you have found your "King of Ballinasloe." Until the next day when this will happen again, because I believe you are only allowed one fight a day.

Let me just say right off the bat that these pikey's are fucking TOUGH as NAILS. Most of them have gold/missing teeth. 98% of them are terribly ugly (which means they have nothing to lose), and all of them, I repeat - ALL of them are fighters of one sort. In pikeyland, just about everything can be settled with a battle, and maybe 2 things ever can be solved with talking and thinking. I don't mean to generalize here, but they are all, each and every one of them a mindless brute. I saw one of the pikey's horses start to get jittery, a big fucking horse it was too, and I shit you not, his pikey owner walked up to this horse and fucking PUNCHED it in the mouth. I'm not telling lies I swear I saw this amongst a few other things. Have a look here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlubu5UZwp0

So this is a video of two characters. The first one is affectionately known throughout the Internet as "The Big Shite." You can distinguish him by his disgusting folds of clammy smegma skin. To give him credit, he has lost weight over the last few years. When I first saw him he was maybe, I shit you not, 150 lbs heavier than you see him there. He is one of the more famous pikey bare knuckle boxers right now. I don't know who the other guy is. Now one of the first things you might notice is how ugly everyone is, but I already discussed that. One of the second things you might notice is how neither of the fighters are very skilled, but don't be fooled - what "The Big Shite" lacks in skill he makes up for in folds of clammy smegma skin. Ah but to be fare, I'm sure he can really take a punch, otherwise he wouldn't be very famous. He sure can't throw one. His tactic is clear if you watch the movie close. He advances and simply puts his arms out over yours, which is easy for him to do as he is such a big shite. You end up having no choice but to throw punches into his endless folds of clammy smegma skin, whilst he either punches you around your head or grabs at your neck to break your skull even worse. Very basic, simple, and effective. I can't imagine I would do much better than the poor guy who, I imagine, ends up biting the fat fuckers nipple at the end of the video. That's probably not what really happened, but I don't understand a thing he is saying, so I bet it's along the lines of "arrgh moy nipple, dat fockers buyting moy nipple, deesqalifuy hem!"

From what I have learned from boxing, which I admit is not a lot - I have only boxed for two years and am fully aware of people who would destroy me without sweating a drop - I believe the thing to do here is to really keep your hands tight by your face and let the big fucker pull your into him, just make sure his arms stay outside of yours - keep your elbows in and your hands close to the side of your face. Once your in, and he's grabbing at you with his porkey pie fingers, really do your best to lean back and throw in quick small uppercuts - if you do not lean back, he will keep you in close and your uppercuts will land harmlessly against his pillow tits. I would lean back once your in close and get him with quick uppercuts - quick so you don't have to take TOO many of his cow punches which I'm sure are really clammy. Of course whenever you go into a match with a plan, you just get punched and end up forgetting anything about it, but that's my two cents on the subject anyways. Have any other idea's on how you would box "The Big Shite?" Tell me about them and we can discuss.

All the best,
Alex